Thursday, June 4, 2009

Letting go of unrealistic expectations

Patti Digh, in her book life is a verb, tells a story about her favorite pair of jeans. Perhaps you have such a pair of jeans. You know what I'm talking about, a pair of jeans that fit you perfectly, are comfortably worn in, and have faded to the perfect shade of blue. Patti had owned her jeans since high school. She had worn them on dates and while hanging out with friends. After she graduated from high school, she took them to college with her. She had traveled around the world while wearing them.

But, as happens, years passed and a time came when she could no longer fit into her favorite jeans. For years, she worked to achieve her goal of getting back into those jeans. She spent hours working out in gyms and tried every diet that came along. Yet, even though there were minor successes, she still could not fit into her jeans. Day after day she would look into her closet and see those jeans hanging there, taunting her. Every time she saw those jeans she felt a sense of failure.

One day her daughter, who was in the sixth grade, was complaining about not having anything to wear to school. So Patti pulled the jeans out of the closet and tossed them to her daughter suggesting that she might enjoy the retro look. She expected for the jeans to be too large but thought that with a belt perhaps it would work. But guess what, a few minutes later her daughter returned the jeans saying, "Thanks, but they're too small."

For thirty years Patti had spent countless hours working to achieve the goal of getting into a pair of jeans that were too small for her thin, athletic twelve year old daughter. For thirty years she had been beating herself up because she was unable to achieve a goal that was unrealistic.

Patti Digh went on to say that once she thought about it, she realized that fitting into the jeans was not even the real goal. The jeans represented a time when her life had been more carefree and simpler. She said the goal she should have been reaching for was a less stressful way of living rather fitting into a pair a jeans her twelve year old daughter could not wear.

How often do we do this to ourselves? How often do we set ourselves up for failure by having unrealistic expectations? Think about your own life and replace the word jeans with whatever it is that is following you through life and setting you up for failure.

There can be real danger in staying focused on unrealistic expectations. We can become so focused on unrealistic goals that we fail to recognize and enjoy the real life right in front of us. Don't miss out on the beauty and joy in the world because you are too busy punishing yourself for not achieving something unrealistic.

Working toward your goals should make you feel good and provide a sense of accomplishment. This week I would encourage you to examine your goals. Are they unworthy, unreachable, or unreasonable? Do they make you feel bad? Or do they make you feel good, right, and strong? Eliminate those goals that limit and minimize you. Make your goals challenging, not destructive. Look behind your goals to see if they are even the real goals.

Don't miss out on the life that is in front of you. Like Patti, ask yourself, "Is it the jeans or is it something else I want?"

If you would like to share your thoughts, please leave a comment. I would love to hear from you.

No comments:

Post a Comment