"You will call, won't you?" - Dealing with the suicide of a loved one

Opening: God, I pray that you would use me to reach out to others in pain. May my ears be opened to hear when others cry out for help. May my presence be a balm to their wounds. Give me the strength and the courage, O Lord, to look into the faces of those whose hearts ache, to touch their lives, and to show them something of your love and mercy.

Text: John 12: 1-8

This week I have been thinking a great deal about how emotionally charged the sense of touch can be. The sense of touch is powerful. So much emotion can be conveyed through touch – an angry slap, a loving caress, a reassuring squeeze of the hand. People yearn to be touched, but how often do we turn away from those in need of that basic human connection. Often we are fearful when we see others in pain. We feel inadequate to help them because we do not know what to say; but perhaps we do not need to say anything. Sometimes a touch can convey to others what we are unable to say with our words.

I am reminded of John’s account of the woman who anointed Jesus with perfume. The crucifixion of Christ was imminent and he was aware of his fate. Though surrounded by friends and disciples, he must have felt an impending doom and a sense of loneliness. Those around him were busy and could not see his distress. They were taking care of the business at hand, preparing for the Passover meal and preparing for the upcoming celebration. Did any of them take the time to look into his face and see that he was suffering?

I believe that one woman did. Her name was Mary, the sister of Lazarus and Martha. Mary, the woman Jesus had once lauded for knowing when to set aside the busyness of life in order to focus on His word. (Luke 10: 38-42) Mary had her priorities right, she was able to discern Jesus’ need and to reach out and touch his life.

Picture this scene. Jesus has approximately two days left to live. He is in the home of his friend Lazarus where a dinner is being given in his honor. Martha is busy in the kitchen preparing the meal. Lazarus is reclining at the table with the other male guests. Of everyone present, it is only Mary that steps out of the shadow to acknowledge what Jesus is facing. She steps forward with a pint of pure nard (expensive fragrance imported from India), pours it on Jesus’ feet and wipes his feet with her hair. The amount of fragrance used was worth a year’s wages. Judas loudly rebukes Mary for her extravagance, but Jesus defends her telling the others, “It was intended that she should save this perfume for my burial…You will not always have me with you.” (John 12: 7-8)

Only Mary had the courage to reach out and touch Jesus in his hour of need. She alone seemed to know who Jesus was and what he needed. By reaching out and touching him, she acknowledged his pain and was willing to share it. She became a balm to his wounds. Her action did not save his life, but she was able to bring some comfort to a suffering Jesus who was facing a fate that no one else understood.

This story has been on my mind this week for a reason. Two weeks ago, my precious cousin committed suicide. I have spent a great deal of time contemplating the timing of her action, killing herself on the Wednesday before Easter. Some sources that I have studied state that the anointing of Jesus by Mary occurred on the Wednesday before Easter. I can imagine that my cousin may have spent time contemplating her death and yearning for someone to reach out, touch her life, and acknowledge her pain. I believe that she wanted to be resurrected, to have a new life and to feel alive. But for whatever reason she could not go on. I imagine that, misguidedly, she felt that the only way she could resurrect her life was through death. I will never know what led to that fateful decision. But I do know this. I had an opportunity to make a difference in her life and regrettably, I did not.

I last saw my cousin about two and a half months before her death. It was at her Mother’s funeral and as I was leaving I asked to verify her phone number. She wrote the number down for me and as she handed it to me she looked me in the eye and said, “You will call, won’t you?” I told her that of course I would call and that we would get together soon for lunch or dinner. Every week after that I reminded myself that I needed to call her and promised myself that I would do so as soon as the kids were out of school, or track season was over, or ____________ (you fill in the blank). I never did call. I was too wrapped up in my own busyness to hear the desperation in her voice or see the pain in her eyes.

I understand on an intellectual level that I am not responsible for her suicide. But the fact remains that I could have made a difference in her life and I did not. Like Mary, my actions may not have changed her outcome, but my words, my touch, my companionship might have brought her some comfort. She may have felt less alone. I will forever regret that her last minutes were spent talking to a stranger on a 911 call than with someone who loved her and knew her.

I hope that you will never have the same regrets. If you know someone who is hurting, set aside your busyness, reach out to them and touch their life. And if you are the someone who is hurting, I pray that you will reach out and let someone know. I pray that someone will take the time to be a healing balm to you.

May God bless you all.

Reflection: Take a few moments and contemplate, journal, or share with another the following:

Whose hands have touched your life and brought you healing? Take the time to thank them for their act of loving kindness.

To whom can you reach out with a healing touch? Do so today. Have the courage to touch, to love and to heal. Embrace pain with compassion.

Closing: O God, move in us in a powerful way. Help us to find the words to touch the lives of others. May our actions be like a bit of oil to anoint others. May our actions help to heal their wounds. Amen.

Resources:

Sacred Journeys: A Woman's Book of Daily Prayer by Jan L. Richardson
Do What You Have the Power to Do by Helen Bruch Pearson


A note from me: I hope you will join me each week as I share some of my thoughts with you. Some weeks my thoughts may be based on something I have read in Scripture and some weeks it may be based on something else. But in the end, I hope my words may uplift you and make a difference in your life.

Your comments are welcome.