Discovering the potential within

God of life, be with me, breathe through me, as I ponder this life that I am fashioning.

Society, culture, family, and religion all shape our sense of self. Experience has shown me that the most effective people are the ones who are most comfortable with themselves. They are the ones that have been able to separate themselves from the myths and expectations projected onto them by others.

In the book of Genesis is the story of a young woman named Rachel. Rachel was a shepherdess, the daughter of Laban, and the sister of Leah. One day, as she was leading her flock she met a young man named Jacob who had traveled to her land in search of a wife. When he saw the very beautiful Rachel, Jacob knew instantly that he had found his wife.

Jacob approached Rachel's father and as was the custom of the time, entered into an agreement to work for seven years in return for the right to marry Rachel. When the time came for the marriage, Laban tricked Jacob by sending to the wedding ritual a heavily veiled Leah instead of Rachel. When Jacob discovered the deception, he approached Laban and was told that he could marry Rachel as well, but would have to work for another seven years. Jacob, who desired Rachel above all others, agreed.

You can imagine the competition that was being set up between the two sisters. Both desired Jacob's love and attention. Rachel is described as being very beautiful, while Leah is described as having weak eyes. Rachel had her betrothed stolen from her and given to Leah through their father's deceit. Both sisters were dependent on a father or husband for their survival. And if that were not enough, it turns out that in a society that valued the birth of male children, Leah was able to produce sons while Rachel was barren.

Each sister must have felt inadequate as a result of the cultural, family, and religions expectations of their time. Leah knew that her sister was prettier and it must have stung knowing that that Jacob had to be tricked into marrying her. I am sure that she felt if she could produce one more son that perhaps her husband would love and accept her a little more. And Rachel must have felt betrayed by her family who should have been offering protection and support. I am sure she longed to give her husband the sons he desired and feared that he would no longer love her if she could not.

I can certainly identify with the longings and frustrations of both sisters. Often times our sense of self worth is tied up in external things that are beyond our control and these things can cause us to feel inferior and worthless. As happened to Rachel and Leah, when this happens we can become envious and demanding. In order to overcome our feeling of inadequacy we often seek validation in external rewards. But these external rewards will never be able to fill the emptiness inside. Our house won't be big enough, our car won't be nice enough, our significant other won't be cute enough, our salary won't be high enough. When our sense of worth is tied up in external things, the problem is not with what we don't have, but with how we see ourself.

We grab for external rewards hoping that they will increase our value. Those external rewards may take many forms. They may be the things we buy to make ourself feel better. They may be the crowd we hang with in hopes of gaining popularity and acceptance. They may be substances we ingest to soothe our emotions. But in reality, in order to become powerful and transformative people, we have to find our value inside ourselves, not by grabbing more and more external things.

A time came in the life of Jacob, Leah, and Rachel when God commanded them to pack up their belongings and make a pilgrimmage to Bethel to make an altar before God. As part of this pilgrimmage, they were commanded to put away their household idols - all the outward objects that they worshipped. We, too, face this same call. Before we can come to our place of destiny, our Bethel, we too must set aside our idols. We have to make a choice. We can continue to compare, compete and project a false image, or we can identify and discard those things that have become a substitute for God.

Giving up our idols can be a daunting task. When we do, it causes us to come face to face with ourselves. We are left with nothing but us. And that can be a scary prospect. But if we will only give it a chance, we would find that within ourself we can find great potential. When we give up our idols, we have a chance to reclaim our true selves. Underneath the glitz and facade, lies the person that God created and that person is filled with a reserve of awesome potential.

For us, Bethel represents our God place, the place where we can listen to the voice of God and experience his love. This is the place to which we are drawn in order to reconnect with a God who renews and restores us. It is a place of transformation where we can shed the false self imposed on us by society. It is the place we can come to to accept the gift within ourself that is ourself.

In the end, Rachel and Jacob's clan were invited to remain in Bethel and live there forever. We, too, are invited to become permanent dwellers at our own Bethel. We can no longer afford to be occasional visitors. We need to settle in and make ourselves at home. We need to take the time to look within ourselves and become the genuine person that God created us to be.

The story ends with Rachel in Bethel having given up her household idols. Finally her womb is opened and she gives birth to a son. Unfortunately, she died in childbirth - giving birth to her dream. May you reclaim your true self in time to give birth to your dreams.

Text: Genesis 29:1-35; 30:1-24; 31:1-21; 35:1-4

Consider the following:

1. What idols have you held on to or have held onto you?
2. In what ways do these idols surface in your life?
3. In what ways have these idols stifled your potential?
4. What's the first step you need to take on your journey to Bethel?

Resource: Leading Lessons by Jeanne Porter

Hospitality of the Home and Heart

Bless the spaces of home and heart, O God, that my life may be a place of welcome.

"She said to her husband, 'I know that this man who often comes our way is a holy man of God. Let's make a small room on the roof and put in it a bed and a table, a chair and a lamp for him. Then he can stay there whenever he comes to us." 2 Kings 4:9-10.

I have been thinking a great deal about the people who flow through our lives. I have been contemplating the above passage and thinking about this woman who opened her home to a man of God because of his need and out of her kindness. She seemed to grasp the concept that extending hospitality is a sacred act. Just as the Shunammite woman did, I hope that I can follow her example and open my heart and my home to those who flow through my life.

Publish Post

Ellen Anthony wrote a poetic essay based on the above passage entitled The Extra Room. The essay eloquently highlights the difficulties of creating an aura of hospitality both within our homes and within ourselves. It challenges us to continue growing, to become softer, and to consider how we interact with the people who pass through our lives. I would like to share parts of the essay with you. For the sake of brevity, I have not reproduced the entire essay.

I

A long time ago
someone in Shunem
built an extra room
on the roof of her house
for the holy one.

That's what I want to do.
I want to go up
to the roof of my house
where the sky starts
and make this room in case the holy one
needs a place to stay.

A table, a chair,
a bed and a candle.
I'll work on it
when I can,
weekends maybe
or before breakfast.

II

It's coming along.
I go up there,
work with what I have.
Some wood, some stone.
The chair and table
aren't hard to make
and I got a candle
from a friend.

But the bed is still stone.
And I know that isn't comfortable.

It's grey
and looks billowy from far off,
like a feather comforter,
but it's stone.

I put my hands on it,
on the faces of the stone.
Questions come up
all about work and what my life is for.
I answer what I can.

We're getting softer, I think,
but not yet a bed.

IV

Someone is waiting there
in that room upstairs.

Someone is dying.

Someone is holding the river
in their hands.
Someone is letting it go.

Someone is crying.

Someone is getting ready.

Someone wants to be softer than stone.

Who is waiting for me
in the extra room?

V

I go up,
open the door.

It's pretty much done.
The room.
All I can do anyway.

I sit in the chair.
Plain square chair.

Look at the table.
Flat relaxed wood.

Strike a match
to the wick of the candle,
see the light
pulling the walls into the glow,
corners going blurry.

Holy chair?
Holy table?
Holy candle, holy walls?
or just extra ones?
I sit in the extra chair
watching the extra walls
wondering if we're holy.

Over there
the stone is taking a long time becoming a bed.

So am I.

We will wait here together.

VI

I wonder what the Shunammite
went through.
Whether hospitality came easy to her
and if the furniture
knew itself right off.

I wonder what my extra room is for. Who will come
and whether it is holy
the way it is, empty.

IX

I go up there some days
and all the furniture is dead.
Even the wooden stuff
gone to stone on me.

I want to cry and I do cry
and the bed is no comfort to me.
Why? Why did the table and chair
come so easy and the bed so hard?
Is it about working and resting?
Easy to work but hard to rest?
The in-between time,
when nothing is happening,
can I rest in those?

I touch the old faces
of the stone. Someone is dying,
someone is crying, someone is trying
to become softer than stone.

XI

I don't know.
I usually don't know.

I touch the stone bed, kneeling,
and say I don't know
who is waiting or what will happen
from day to day in this extra room.
What my new life is
or when it will die on me.

But I have this extra room,
and I just know that I believe in it.
I believe in the extra room,
in making an extra room,
in the possibility of the holy one's coming,
in making new life, in its sometime dying,
and in constantly watching what sleeps there
as if I were ready for the sky
to come in over and over again without edges.

This place, this extra room,
is where I'm becoming
hollow and ample at the same time.

XII

I won't ask
what your extra room is like.
Or what went on
inside the Shunammite lady.
It's not for me to know other people's
private stuff.

But I want you to know
that when I say my extra room
is for the holy one,
it means you.
It means whoever
needs an extra room that night.
I can't guarantee
there won't be dead furniture
in there from time to time.
Or that the bed will be comfortable.
But if you ever need
an extra room to stay in,
a place where seeing and hearing
have no edges,
I have this place inside me now,
and you are welcome there.

Consider the following:

1. Do you have a sacred place to retreat? for your friends to retreat?
2. If not, where and with what could you begin to prepare such a space?
3. What do you want from your space?
4. For whom are you preparing your space?
5. What hospitality do you extend to others? to yourself?
6. How might your life be changed by having such a space?

May God give each of you grace and a place to stretch out your soul.

Lydia – A Pioneering Woman: Carving Out New Ways to Serve

Text: Acts 16: 11-15

I have always been drawn to the brief story of Lydia in the Book of Acts. For me, she is the picture of a modern woman and there is much we can learn from her. She was a busy woman who ran a business, was the head of a household, and still took time to gather with and to pray with other women. Spirituality was an important part of her life and she knew that powerful things happen when women pray together.

Last week I wrote about nurturing and taking time for yourself. Lydia was a woman that recognized the importance of this. In the midst of running a business and managing a household, she took the time to nurture her spiritual core through prayer and worship. She knew that gathering together with other praying women was a powerful way of connecting with God and with one another. It was at just such a gathering that Paul appeared, bringing his message of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Lydia heard his message and became the first recorded Christian convert in Europe – by being the first, she set an example and pioneered the way for other woman to join the Christian community.

She pioneered the way not only by joining the fellowship of believers, but by making a generous offer to Paul and his colleagues. “If you consider me a believer in the Lord,” she said, “come and stay at my house.” Not only did she provide food and shelter for these missionaries, but she offered her house as a home church. Lydia stepped up and met a need. In a time that was dangerous to do so, she offered her home and her resources to advance a cause. Her leadership challenges us to consider ways that we can provide leadership in our own communities. We may not be business women or have her resources, but women everywhere start and nurture ministries, businesses, non-profits and more. We can do the same.

One of the most inspiring women I have known did just such a thing. After going through a nasty divorce, she found herself a single mom on welfare. She had no formal education and no money. But she did have a passion for helping children who were suffering the effects of divorce. With nothing more than a desire to help others, she approached a church with the idea of creating a program that would help children deal with their feelings following their parent’s divorce. What resulted was an enormously successful program that resulted in a safe place for children to vent their feelings, a program used by churches across the nation, a book, and financial independence. She combined her passion for ministry with her work and she followed Lydia’s example by using her resources, as limited as they were, to meet a need. She carved out not only a career and ministry, but an opportunity to live, thrive and make a living on her own God-given terms.

I would encourage you to unlock your minds and hearts and give some thought to your gifts and passions. How can you use your resources to meet a need? How can you create a career, a ministry and a way to thrive on your own God-given terms? Dream about ways you can carve out new categories of work and service. Then act on those dreams. How will you use your gifts and abilities to benefit not only others, but in the long run, yourself? It’s what Lydia did. We can, too.

Consider the following:

1. What opportunities do you have to join together with other women to pray?

2. Think of women who have served as pioneers for you. How have they paved the way for you? How have they inspired you?

3. How are you paving the way for other women?

4. What are your dreams? How can you carve out new opportunities for work and service?

If you would like to share any of your thoughts, I would love to hear them. Please feel free to leave me a comment.

A note to MVS – Lydia’s House. The dream lives!

Take care of yourself: In case of emergency, put your own oxygen mask on first

Have any of you ever really listened to the pre-flight instructions given by the flight attendant prior to departure? Personally, I hate to fly. It kind of scares me and listening to the flight attendant droll on about what to do when a plane crash is imminent does not inspire confidence. But on one particularly long flight I decided that I should listen to what they were saying. After all, if I was going down in the Atlantic, perhaps I really should know what to do.

There was one instruction that especially caught my attention. "Should the oxygen mask fall from the compartment above your head, put your own oxygen mask on first, and then help the others around you." You should take heed of this. Did you know that when the oxygen fails on a plane you only have seventeen seconds of air? Seventeen seconds, then you lose consciousness and are of no help to anyone.

Put your own mask on first. There is such wisdom in those few words. We must be willing to help ourselves if we want to help anyone else. Yet we do just the opposite. We spend so much time taking care of everyone else, that we frequently forget to take care of ourselves! We want to solve everyone else's problems and take on every volunteer opportunity offered to us. After all, don't we all want to be the star that shines the brightest?

I can't tell you the number of times that I have burned myself out by failing to put my own mask on first. It's easy to become so busy solving everyone else's problems that you ignore your own need for rest, restoration, and time away. And that easily leads to burn out, anger, and resentment. Our value does not lie in how many problems we solve on behalf of others. Our value emanates from the divine spark that God placed in each of us. That is the source of our inner light. But that light can easily be extinguished if we do not learn to be still, nurture ourselves, and listen to God.

Perhaps it's time that we all learn to nurture ourselves. And in so doing, we will better be able to help those around us. Discover and nurture you own inner light by treating yourself as kindly and with as much compassion as you do those around you. What would nurturing yourself look like? For me, putting on an oxygen mask involves photography, sitting quietly in my garden, and saying "no" to those projects I'm really not passionate about.

How about you? What would putting on your own mask first entail? Would you have a cup of hot tea in the morning before everyone else gets up? Would you have a quiet dinner with your best friend? Would you take time out for an early morning jog around the park? Make a list of ways that you can nurture yourself and start doing those things today.

May God who makes all things new, strengthen you and renew your spirit.

Resources: life is a verb by Patti Digh

I would love to hear some of the ways you go about nurturing yourself. If you would like to share some of your ideas, please leave a comment below.

Are you enjoying your world with childlike joy?

I hope you have been taking some time this week to look at your world with the eyes of a child. As a follow up to what I wrote last week, I would like to share with you two things I have experienced.

One of the things that brought joy to my cousin were butterflies. In fact, she hatched butterflies and they could always be seen flitting about her yard. For years I have tried and tried to attract butterflies to my yard and have never had much success. Now, every time I step into my backyard, I see butterflies fluttering about. I don't know if this is just an exceptional year for butterflies or what, but I am going to accept this gift as a message from God. I believe that He is telling me that just as the caterpillar breaks out of his cocoon and experiences new life as a beautiful butterfly, so my cousin is experiencing a beautiful new life with God. Seeing the butterflies brings me great comfort.

The other thing that I wanted to share with you comes straight off my list of childhood joys. Today while I was sitting and enjoying my backyard, I looked up to see dandelion hair floating across my backyard. Unable to contain myself, I jumped up, chased it all around the yard, and finally caught it! It was fun acting like a child! It brought a little laughter to my life.

I hope that wherever you are, you will take a few moments to enjoy your day and see the world with the eyes of a child.

I will post a new meditation on Thursday on discovering your inner light. See you Thursday!

Embracing Life With a Child-Like Wonder

Let me say how overwhelmed I have been by all the calls, emails, and comments left in response to my post. Your words of encouragement have meant a great deal to me. Indeed, I feel loved.

The loss of a loved one is never easy, yet it is something that we all must deal with at some point in our lives. All of this has caused me to think a great deal about those who have gone before me and about what their counsel would be regarding how to deal with loss. I particularly seem to be able to hear my father's voice and he is telling me one thing - "Do what everyone has to do in the face of loss. Embrace life and go on living even while you greive and while you remember." So that is the task that I have set for myself this week. I will grieve and I will remember and I will honor those who have gone before me by EMBRACING LIFE! In capital letters!

As is often the case, whenever I want to learn how to approach life, I only have to observe the children around me. Children are so good at embracing life. All you have to do is take a walk around the block with a two year old to be reminded of this. My oldest son, Matt, was quite possibly the most exuberant child I ever knew. I will never forget one walk we took through the park when he was a toddler. As usual, he was ahead of me running at full speed when suddenly he came to a screeching halt, knelt down, carefully parted the blades of grass, and picked up a tiny pebble. He carefully placed the pebble in the palm of his hand and ran back to me exclaiming, "Look, Momma, see the pretty rock!" I will never forget the sight of his face, glowing with sheer wonder. Children notice everything; I don't even know how he saw the pebble buried in the grass. But he did and for him the world stopped as he discovered and shared this tiny bit of God's creation with me. He was embracing life fully and I am so thankful that he shared his joy with me.

Recently I came across a wonderful book that reminds us of the importance of embracing life. The book, by Patti Digh, is entitled life is a verb. I particularly enjoyed the story of one man who asked a group of five year olds how many of them could sing . As only five year olds can do, they all felt they were excellent singers and every hand shot up immediately! He asked how many could dance - he got the same response. Painters? All of them, of course!

Later, he visited a group of college students and asked the same questions. Sadly, this time no one raised their hands.

In response to this story, Patti Digh asked, "What happened in those years between five and eighteen, to our sense of joy and possibility and personal command of the universe?" Good question. I have to ask myself what happened to my personal command of my universe. At some point we mask ourselves and lose our self confidence. Maybe it's our fear of ridicule that causes us to wall ourselves off. Maybe it's our fear of appearing childish that prevents us from allowing ourselves to still be surprised by life. After all, what would others say if you were to run through the park shouting with glee when you spotted a pebble?

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could approach adult life with the same enthusiasm that children do? Just image it. "Hooray! A two hour meeting to review policy and procedure!" Well, maybe we don't have to go that far. But perhaps we can find a way to give voice to the astonishment and joy of our inner child. Why don't you join me this week in the following exercise.

1. Allow yourself to be inspired by the following texts:

Psalm 118:24

Proverbs 8: 30-31

2. Journal, think about, or share with a friend five things from your childhood that brought you to a screeching halt with a feeling of sheer joy. Close your eyes and recall how you felt when encountering these things.

For me, I would have to include butterflies, dandelions, sand dollars, fireflies, and oil tankers at sea. As a child I spent many joyous hours chasing colorful butterflies, blowing the "angel hair" from dandelions, feeling the sun on my shoulders while digging for sand dollars, trying to catch fireflies on a warm summer night, and wondering where the oil tankers were sailing (I was sure that my Uncle Norman was aboard one of the ships and was sailing from some exotic port to see me). Little else existed in the world when engaged in these activities. I felt nothing but awe, pure joy, and best of all there were no expectations as to how I should act in response to these experiences.

3. Journal, think about, or share with a friend five things in your adult world that would bring forth a shout of joy if you were not afraid of ridicule.

I am putting on my list laptop computers (aren't they amazing?), golden retrievers (they are so devoted), a really great handbag (need I say more?), my lemon zester (yes, my lemon zester!), and dandelions (still love to see angel hair floating through the air). Resolve to act like a five year old. Everytime you see one of the items on your list, say out loud, "Wow! A _______!" For me that would be, "WOW, A LEMON ZESTER!" If that is too embarrassing for you, then at least think it with as much enthusiasm as possible. Think it in CAPITAL LETTERS! This week remember what it is like to be a child. Embrace life with child-like wonder!

My blessing for you this week: May you journey to the place where joy and wonder are born. May you dwell there immersed in the joy of God's creation. May you come out dancing and live a life filled with wonder and delight!

I hope some of you will take the time to share your "joy lists" with the rest of us. I would love to know what brings joy into your life. If you would like to do so, please add them as a comment below.

Thanks for taking the time to forward this link to your family and friends. My post last week was read by people as far away as Canada and Indonesia! Let's see if we can keep the momentum going.

God bless each of you. My life is better because of you. I'll post again next week.

"You will call, won't you?" - Dealing with the suicide of a loved one

Opening: God, I pray that you would use me to reach out to others in pain. May my ears be opened to hear when others cry out for help. May my presence be a balm to their wounds. Give me the strength and the courage, O Lord, to look into the faces of those whose hearts ache, to touch their lives, and to show them something of your love and mercy.

Text: John 12: 1-8

This week I have been thinking a great deal about how emotionally charged the sense of touch can be. The sense of touch is powerful. So much emotion can be conveyed through touch – an angry slap, a loving caress, a reassuring squeeze of the hand. People yearn to be touched, but how often do we turn away from those in need of that basic human connection. Often we are fearful when we see others in pain. We feel inadequate to help them because we do not know what to say; but perhaps we do not need to say anything. Sometimes a touch can convey to others what we are unable to say with our words.

I am reminded of John’s account of the woman who anointed Jesus with perfume. The crucifixion of Christ was imminent and he was aware of his fate. Though surrounded by friends and disciples, he must have felt an impending doom and a sense of loneliness. Those around him were busy and could not see his distress. They were taking care of the business at hand, preparing for the Passover meal and preparing for the upcoming celebration. Did any of them take the time to look into his face and see that he was suffering?

I believe that one woman did. Her name was Mary, the sister of Lazarus and Martha. Mary, the woman Jesus had once lauded for knowing when to set aside the busyness of life in order to focus on His word. (Luke 10: 38-42) Mary had her priorities right, she was able to discern Jesus’ need and to reach out and touch his life.

Picture this scene. Jesus has approximately two days left to live. He is in the home of his friend Lazarus where a dinner is being given in his honor. Martha is busy in the kitchen preparing the meal. Lazarus is reclining at the table with the other male guests. Of everyone present, it is only Mary that steps out of the shadow to acknowledge what Jesus is facing. She steps forward with a pint of pure nard (expensive fragrance imported from India), pours it on Jesus’ feet and wipes his feet with her hair. The amount of fragrance used was worth a year’s wages. Judas loudly rebukes Mary for her extravagance, but Jesus defends her telling the others, “It was intended that she should save this perfume for my burial…You will not always have me with you.” (John 12: 7-8)

Only Mary had the courage to reach out and touch Jesus in his hour of need. She alone seemed to know who Jesus was and what he needed. By reaching out and touching him, she acknowledged his pain and was willing to share it. She became a balm to his wounds. Her action did not save his life, but she was able to bring some comfort to a suffering Jesus who was facing a fate that no one else understood.

This story has been on my mind this week for a reason. Two weeks ago, my precious cousin committed suicide. I have spent a great deal of time contemplating the timing of her action, killing herself on the Wednesday before Easter. Some sources that I have studied state that the anointing of Jesus by Mary occurred on the Wednesday before Easter. I can imagine that my cousin may have spent time contemplating her death and yearning for someone to reach out, touch her life, and acknowledge her pain. I believe that she wanted to be resurrected, to have a new life and to feel alive. But for whatever reason she could not go on. I imagine that, misguidedly, she felt that the only way she could resurrect her life was through death. I will never know what led to that fateful decision. But I do know this. I had an opportunity to make a difference in her life and regrettably, I did not.

I last saw my cousin about two and a half months before her death. It was at her Mother’s funeral and as I was leaving I asked to verify her phone number. She wrote the number down for me and as she handed it to me she looked me in the eye and said, “You will call, won’t you?” I told her that of course I would call and that we would get together soon for lunch or dinner. Every week after that I reminded myself that I needed to call her and promised myself that I would do so as soon as the kids were out of school, or track season was over, or ____________ (you fill in the blank). I never did call. I was too wrapped up in my own busyness to hear the desperation in her voice or see the pain in her eyes.

I understand on an intellectual level that I am not responsible for her suicide. But the fact remains that I could have made a difference in her life and I did not. Like Mary, my actions may not have changed her outcome, but my words, my touch, my companionship might have brought her some comfort. She may have felt less alone. I will forever regret that her last minutes were spent talking to a stranger on a 911 call than with someone who loved her and knew her.

I hope that you will never have the same regrets. If you know someone who is hurting, set aside your busyness, reach out to them and touch their life. And if you are the someone who is hurting, I pray that you will reach out and let someone know. I pray that someone will take the time to be a healing balm to you.

May God bless you all.

Reflection: Take a few moments and contemplate, journal, or share with another the following:

Whose hands have touched your life and brought you healing? Take the time to thank them for their act of loving kindness.

To whom can you reach out with a healing touch? Do so today. Have the courage to touch, to love and to heal. Embrace pain with compassion.

Closing: O God, move in us in a powerful way. Help us to find the words to touch the lives of others. May our actions be like a bit of oil to anoint others. May our actions help to heal their wounds. Amen.

Resources:

Sacred Journeys: A Woman's Book of Daily Prayer by Jan L. Richardson
Do What You Have the Power to Do by Helen Bruch Pearson


A note from me: I hope you will join me each week as I share some of my thoughts with you. Some weeks my thoughts may be based on something I have read in Scripture and some weeks it may be based on something else. But in the end, I hope my words may uplift you and make a difference in your life.

Your comments are welcome.